The Fear of Losing Your Identity

Hey guys,

I have had other friends with EDs, and I know that a really prevalent fear that comes with recovering is the fear of losing your identity. EDs are all-consuming, so much so that you rarely think of anything else. All your hobbies relate to food and/or exercise - you have a passion for the gym, food shopping, are suddenly interested in nutrition, making and gathering recipes, or cooking. So when you think of leaving your ED behind... what are you left with?

This is the scary bit. But it's also great. It's an opportunity to totally reinvent yourself, and be the person that you want to be. For some people, it's exciting to go back to who they were and revisit old hobbies, but for others, like myself, they're terrified of being the person that they used to be. But the thing is, when you strip away your ED, you're left with a blank canvas, and you can fill it with whatever you want.

This is the time to create a life, and live your dreams (even if you don't have any yet!).

What sports have you always liked? What TV programmes did you like to watch before your ED? What have you always wanted to be able to do? What books have people recommended to you? What friends have you been meaning out to reach out to? Is there a religion that's been speaking to you recently?

Yes, it's scary. You feel like you're losing something by gaining weight, but you're gaining so much more than that, if you'll pardon the pun. You're gaining a life. It may appeal to you to be remembered as the anorexic boy/girl, but wouldn't you rather be remembered as the friend/sibling/parent/winner/artist/entertainer/reader/lover? I know I would.

- A

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