The Fear of Losing Your Identity

Hey guys,

I have had other friends with EDs, and I know that a really prevalent fear that comes with recovering is the fear of losing your identity. EDs are all-consuming, so much so that you rarely think of anything else. All your hobbies relate to food and/or exercise - you have a passion for the gym, food shopping, are suddenly interested in nutrition, making and gathering recipes, or cooking. So when you think of leaving your ED behind... what are you left with?

This is the scary bit. But it's also great. It's an opportunity to totally reinvent yourself, and be the person that you want to be. For some people, it's exciting to go back to who they were and revisit old hobbies, but for others, like myself, they're terrified of being the person that they used to be. But the thing is, when you strip away your ED, you're left with a blank canvas, and you can fill it with whatever you want.

This is the time to create a life, and live your dreams (even if you don't have any yet!).

What sports have you always liked? What TV programmes did you like to watch before your ED? What have you always wanted to be able to do? What books have people recommended to you? What friends have you been meaning out to reach out to? Is there a religion that's been speaking to you recently?

Yes, it's scary. You feel like you're losing something by gaining weight, but you're gaining so much more than that, if you'll pardon the pun. You're gaining a life. It may appeal to you to be remembered as the anorexic boy/girl, but wouldn't you rather be remembered as the friend/sibling/parent/winner/artist/entertainer/reader/lover? I know I would.

- A

Comments

15 Best Things About Weight Restoration

Hi guys, Before I started weight restoration, all I could think of were negatives. I thought I would look ugly in my clothes, that I would be fat, and that I would hate myself. But truly, this has not been the case. Many of the things that I thought would be awful were actually quite nice. That's not to say, of course, that there haven't been bad days. There are days when I miss being underweight, and they're quite frequent, but I don't feel the need to act on these thoughts: it is necessary for me to be the weight I am, and this body enables me to live the active and long life I wish to. I still think I look good, even if I look different. But I'm getting off topic. Here are some of the best things about weight restoration, from my personal experience: Buying new clothes and investing in my appearance - I used to have cheap clothes because my weight changed so much, but now I'm really getting quality things that I like Reinventing myself as a perso...

The Physical Downsides of My ED

Hey, I'm pretty sure it's evident from my blog so far that I'm a fan of lists. They help me organise my thinking. I know that relapse is really prevalent among ED sufferers, and I really, really don't want that to be the case for me. Whilst I'm recovering, I thought I'd draw up the physical consequences of my ED before I forget, hopefully stopping me from wanting to pursue an underweight body ever again. I'm mostly listing physical consequences here because they can't be denied. I think it's easier for me to shrug off mental symptoms or justify them, though of course they are not healthy either. This is just what helps me keep a clear perspective on how terrible my ED was for my body. Very low heart rate Low BP Seeing black spots when running Tiredness walking up the stairs Insomnia Amenhorrea Hair falling out Feeling cold all the time Tooth damage Chest pain [showing my heart muscle was weakening] Difficulty digesting food Stom...

I reached a healthy BMI today

Hi, So today I did it; I reached the healthy BMI range. I have mixed feelings really, and none of them were what I was expecting. When I was at my lowest weight, I really believed that by the time that I got here I would hate myself, and immediately want to relapse. I thought I would feel like a failure, and regret my decision. But I don't. Not at all. Really, I feel quite surprised - but I still like my body, and I didn't think I could if I was a healthy weight! And even more surprisingly, but I still look too thin, actually - maybe I should gain some more? Yep, that was the shocker. And there was also a little bit of but I'm gonna miss eating this much peanut butter . Definitely not the feelings I was expecting. Truly, I'm so happy. I'm healthy now (or at least very close to being), at last. My BPM has gone from the 40s to 80. My BP has improved. I have so much more energy. My hair has stopped falling out so much. I can get to sleep at night. It feels as...

Stronger.

Search This Blog