I reached a healthy BMI today

Hi,

So today I did it; I reached the healthy BMI range.

I have mixed feelings really, and none of them were what I was expecting. When I was at my lowest weight, I really believed that by the time that I got here I would hate myself, and immediately want to relapse. I thought I would feel like a failure, and regret my decision. But I don't. Not at all.

Really, I feel quite surprised - but I still like my body, and I didn't think I could if I was a healthy weight! And even more surprisingly, but I still look too thin, actually - maybe I should gain some more? Yep, that was the shocker. And there was also a little bit of but I'm gonna miss eating this much peanut butter.

Definitely not the feelings I was expecting. Truly, I'm so happy. I'm healthy now (or at least very close to being), at last. My BPM has gone from the 40s to 80. My BP has improved. I have so much more energy. My hair has stopped falling out so much. I can get to sleep at night.
It feels as if I'm seeing the entire world through rose-tinted glasses.

I'm staying at this weight for a bit (I was very close to this weight pre-ED) to see how it goes, and if my period isn't back in a few months I'll gain until it is.

I felt the need to post this to reassure my readers that being at a healthy weight isn't as scary as you think it might be, and it's not the horrible associations you have with it. It's feeling strong, and feeling happy and most of all free. I really hope that you can get there, friends. Best of luck!

- A

Comments

The Fear of Losing Your Identity

Hey guys, I have had other friends with EDs, and I know that a really prevalent fear that comes with recovering is the fear of losing your identity. EDs are all-consuming, so much so that you rarely think of anything else. All your hobbies relate to food and/or exercise - you have a passion for the gym, food shopping, are suddenly interested in nutrition, making and gathering recipes, or cooking. So when you think of leaving your ED behind... what are you left with? This is the scary bit. But it's also great. It's an opportunity to totally reinvent yourself, and be the person that you want to be. For some people, it's exciting to go back to who they were and revisit old hobbies, but for others, like myself, they're terrified of being the person that they used to be. But the thing is, when you strip away your ED, you're left with a blank canvas, and you can fill it with whatever you want. This is the time to create a life, and live your dreams (even if you don...

Tips to Feel More Body-Positive (Quickly)

Hi team, I'm actually coping okay with the weight gain at the moment. I can actually feel some clarity coming back into my mind, which is wonderful; I'm sleeping most nights, and the bodies I once aspired to now seem too thin, as does my own body whilst I'm still weight restoring. I never thought I'd say any of that. But here we are. Anywho, I still get not-so positive days. It's to be expected. And it's okay. The main thing is to have a healthy outlet, one that doesn't involve losing weight or punishing myself. These tips may not work for everyone, but they've been handy for me on what I refer to as "the black days". When you look in the mirror and don't like what you see... Do a silly dance, or pull a funny face Say something silly (you might feel like an idiot, but I find it pretty difficult to be sad if I'm repeatedly saying "Boopity boop", or "Fluffy kittens") Make a list of the top 10 things yo...

The Physical Downsides of My ED

Hey, I'm pretty sure it's evident from my blog so far that I'm a fan of lists. They help me organise my thinking. I know that relapse is really prevalent among ED sufferers, and I really, really don't want that to be the case for me. Whilst I'm recovering, I thought I'd draw up the physical consequences of my ED before I forget, hopefully stopping me from wanting to pursue an underweight body ever again. I'm mostly listing physical consequences here because they can't be denied. I think it's easier for me to shrug off mental symptoms or justify them, though of course they are not healthy either. This is just what helps me keep a clear perspective on how terrible my ED was for my body. Very low heart rate Low BP Seeing black spots when running Tiredness walking up the stairs Insomnia Amenhorrea Hair falling out Feeling cold all the time Tooth damage Chest pain [showing my heart muscle was weakening] Difficulty digesting food Stom...

Stronger.

Search This Blog