Stronger.

Hey guys, My hair falling out was one of the main reasons that I chose to recover. It was that final sign that things just weren't okay, and never would be unless I changed my ways. I dyed and bleached my hair a lot throughout my ED, so that of course also had a negative impact and my hair ended up being not-so-great. I'm hoping that a few months down the line I'll be able to do a great before-and-after, but for the moment, this is what I'm doing to try and repair the damage. I'm using baby shampoo as it's a lot less harsh on my hair, and also removes less of the hair-dye so that I do not have to dye it as frequently I've switched to a semi-permanent hair dye and will be returning to my natural colour when it fades out When possible, I'm using my fingers or a wide-combed brush to comb through my hair (especially when it's wet!) so that I don't tear it or create split ends I'm only straightening it when strictly necessary, and al...

Hey guys, I know a lot of people struggle to get a sufficient intake to become an ideal weight during recovery, and, whilst I recommend working with a nutritionist or counselor to resolve the underlying issues and help you become more comfortable with an increased intake and volume, this is my advice for getting sufficient energy in the meantime. I also want to point out that I am in no way a nutritionist, I am just pointing out what worked for me! 😊 Smoothies are great if you struggle with an increased volume. To these, you can add things like nut butter, seeds, coconut oil, avocados, dates, bananas and protein powder Cook foods in oil where possible, rather than water Opt for dried fruit rather than fresh Add extra toppings to your oatmeal , such as coconut chips, peanut butter, dark chocolate, bananas, dates, nuts and/or seeds Swap simple side salads for those featuring nuts, beans, seeds, extra veggies etc.  Switch side salads for things like beans or mushy pe...

Hi guys, Before I started weight restoration, all I could think of were negatives. I thought I would look ugly in my clothes, that I would be fat, and that I would hate myself. But truly, this has not been the case. Many of the things that I thought would be awful were actually quite nice. That's not to say, of course, that there haven't been bad days. There are days when I miss being underweight, and they're quite frequent, but I don't feel the need to act on these thoughts: it is necessary for me to be the weight I am, and this body enables me to live the active and long life I wish to. I still think I look good, even if I look different. But I'm getting off topic. Here are some of the best things about weight restoration, from my personal experience: Buying new clothes and investing in my appearance - I used to have cheap clothes because my weight changed so much, but now I'm really getting quality things that I like Reinventing myself as a perso...

Hi guys, I know I often talk about clothing having a positive impact in making my weight gain more bearable, and I really do feel like my attire has helped me a lot, so I thought that maybe I'd offer some advice to anyone reading who perhaps doesn't feel so confident in the clothes they are wearing at the moment. I also think it's really beneficial to get rid of - or at least box up - clothes that are too small or that you won't feel comfortable in, and you can instead invest in some really lovely new clothes to celebrate when you're weight restored 😊 So... onto the list: Long, baggy tops - I actually got mine from the men's section as they were wider and longer, which was a huge relief for me as it is usually my hips and thighs that I am conscious of Jeans - Mom jeans, boyfriend jeans, girlfriend jeans (anything that isn't skinny fit, really - unless of course you are feeling confident about your legs and are sure that they will fit you througho...

Hey, I'm pretty sure it's evident from my blog so far that I'm a fan of lists. They help me organise my thinking. I know that relapse is really prevalent among ED sufferers, and I really, really don't want that to be the case for me. Whilst I'm recovering, I thought I'd draw up the physical consequences of my ED before I forget, hopefully stopping me from wanting to pursue an underweight body ever again. I'm mostly listing physical consequences here because they can't be denied. I think it's easier for me to shrug off mental symptoms or justify them, though of course they are not healthy either. This is just what helps me keep a clear perspective on how terrible my ED was for my body. Very low heart rate Low BP Seeing black spots when running Tiredness walking up the stairs Insomnia Amenhorrea Hair falling out Feeling cold all the time Tooth damage Chest pain [showing my heart muscle was weakening] Difficulty digesting food Stom...

Hey team, I'm not feeling so great today. Every day since I've hit the healthy weight mark, I've gone over my maintenance. I've not got my period back, so I know I probably do need to gain a few more pounds, but there's still a part of me that wants to be minimally healthy, I guess. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. It's the calorie counting that's getting me down rather than my actual weight, I think. I hate this habit and yet I just can't  haven't been able to stop. Tomorrow is a new day, however, so I'm planning to make a list today to help me move on and not count tomorrow. I'm gonna make it colourful because I could really use a bit of positivity right now. If I go over my maintenance by even a small bit, it results in a binge when I count calories (such as now, and I don't want to feel this disgusted at myself again) Calorie requirements aren't the same every day, so I can't even gage my maintenence  ...

Hi guys, For motivation, I thought I'd make a list of everything I'm fighting for. Eating the amount I actually fancy rather than a serving size Eating cake on my birthday rather than some low calorie mush that I've made Spending days out at the beach rather than the supermarket Reading fashion/travel blogs and watching those videos rather than ones about health or food Indulging in chick flicks and chocolate on my period rather than wondering if I'll be infertile for life Enjoying all my favourite sports again Being able to share a bag of crisps with my friends rather than worrying about whether I'll be able to log the actual amount that I had Being able to focus on my school work and knowing I've done the best that I could Having the ability to lie in in the morning Getting drunk with my friends without worrying about the calories Going clothes shopping and judging the outfit rather than myself Letting go of perfectionism Rekindling old frie...

Hi team, I'm actually coping okay with the weight gain at the moment. I can actually feel some clarity coming back into my mind, which is wonderful; I'm sleeping most nights, and the bodies I once aspired to now seem too thin, as does my own body whilst I'm still weight restoring. I never thought I'd say any of that. But here we are. Anywho, I still get not-so positive days. It's to be expected. And it's okay. The main thing is to have a healthy outlet, one that doesn't involve losing weight or punishing myself. These tips may not work for everyone, but they've been handy for me on what I refer to as "the black days". When you look in the mirror and don't like what you see... Do a silly dance, or pull a funny face Say something silly (you might feel like an idiot, but I find it pretty difficult to be sad if I'm repeatedly saying "Boopity boop", or "Fluffy kittens") Make a list of the top 10 things yo...

Hi team, Weight gain is the hardest part of recovery for me. I'm having a hard time with it. I'm scared of the associations and bad experiences I had at my healthy weight, I'm scared of other people seeing me change, I'm scared of seeing myself change... but I need to do it. I know that ultimately, my body is a place to live, and, if I'm not a healthy weight, I'm deteriorating. Like I said, I'm struggling a lot with it myself, but there are good days as well as the bad, so I thought that I'd make a list of things that are helping me cope at the moment. Things that help: Wearing baggy clothing (I had to buy new, but changing up my style is quite refreshing) Getting rid of all my old clothes that I knew wouldn't fit me Moving (nothing intense, just walking, yoga, or weightlifting) Spending time around other, healthy, people -  I know that I personally always underestimate the average person's weight and, as the internet a wasps' ne...

Hi team, This may not work for everyone, but, for me, it really helps to disassociate with my body somewhat during recovery. I'm aiming not to feel totally disconnected of course, but it reassures me to know that I am not my legs, or my stomach, or my arms, or even my face. These are just things that make up the body I have, and that body is the mode of transport for my life. Nothing more, nothing less. But it's still a pretty fantastic thing. I decided to try and make a big ol' list (yep, I love lists) for all the things that we should try to appreciate about our bodies. Your blood carries platelets to control the bleeding every time you get a cut Your brain can create the most beautiful dreams whilst you sleep Your brain makes sure that you always carry on breathing, even when you're asleep Your bones can repair themselves after you break them Your blood can cure you of viruses and make you better again Your legs and arms allow you to dance and express...