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Hating Yourself


Hey guys,

I was having one of those reflective, contemplative type days today. It still amazes me to see how far I've come, and how much things have changed. I used to hate myself. I used to cry myself to sleep every single night, because I could think of nothing worse than waking up and still being me the next day.

That seems a million miles away.

But this got me thinking... did I ever really hate myself, or did I just hate my habits and thought processes? I was expecting to hate myself when I gained weight, because I thought that it was being skinny that kept me away from that awful place of self-hatred, but I found that as I gained weight, I simply didn't feel much different about myself. I had changed too much from that time in my life.

I don't know if this will make a lot of sense to anyone. I would just like you to consider that maybe, deep down, you don't hate yourself as an entire whole (there are so many parts of yourself), but actually just want to make a few changes. Maybe you hate yourself because you think you're lazy, but maybe setting one small goal a day would help you think otherwise.

I'm a strong believer that perception is everything, though I know that if I read this post a while back I would be in denial of this. I would be adamant that I hated all of myself, and that the rest of the world did too.

I'm not expecting that anyone reading this will immediately change their mindset - I know it took me years, but I really hope you'll just hang in there, and know that one day you will be free. You will not hate yourself forever. For the time being, I advise taking it easy on yourself - drink your favourite tea, have a bubble bath instead of a shower, and surround yourself with positivity. You've got this - I promise.

- A




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