Skip to main content

Hating Yourself


Hey guys,

I was having one of those reflective, contemplative type days today. It still amazes me to see how far I've come, and how much things have changed. I used to hate myself. I used to cry myself to sleep every single night, because I could think of nothing worse than waking up and still being me the next day.

That seems a million miles away.

But this got me thinking... did I ever really hate myself, or did I just hate my habits and thought processes? I was expecting to hate myself when I gained weight, because I thought that it was being skinny that kept me away from that awful place of self-hatred, but I found that as I gained weight, I simply didn't feel much different about myself. I had changed too much from that time in my life.

I don't know if this will make a lot of sense to anyone. I would just like you to consider that maybe, deep down, you don't hate yourself as an entire whole (there are so many parts of yourself), but actually just want to make a few changes. Maybe you hate yourself because you think you're lazy, but maybe setting one small goal a day would help you think otherwise.

I'm a strong believer that perception is everything, though I know that if I read this post a while back I would be in denial of this. I would be adamant that I hated all of myself, and that the rest of the world did too.

I'm not expecting that anyone reading this will immediately change their mindset - I know it took me years, but I really hope you'll just hang in there, and know that one day you will be free. You will not hate yourself forever. For the time being, I advise taking it easy on yourself - drink your favourite tea, have a bubble bath instead of a shower, and surround yourself with positivity. You've got this - I promise.

- A




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Other People's Progress Pictures

Hey guys, Recently, I've seen a lot of before and after pics floating around, and I often end up comparing myself to them. In many cases, the person goes from emaciated to fit. Sometimes it makes me judge myself, and wonder if my recovery has gone 'wrong' since I'm not ripped and lean like they are. I know this isn't the case, however. It's difficult to not create a comparison, but, if anyone is struggling with this like I am, these are the things I bear in mind: Many of these people have been recovered for years, and only built muscle after being declared a healthy weight and fit to exercise  If I've been told not to exercise, it's for my own good - I can do all that later, but, right now, my health is a priority My weight has not redistributed yet - it may take 6 months to a year to fully redistribute Realistically, immediately after weight restoration, I may not like my shape, but I must accept it because with a continued healthy lifestyle ...
Post a Comment
Read more

60 Reasons to Recover

Hi warriors, Recovery is hard. It's demotivating. You fight for so long to get down to a low weight, that having to gain weight just feels... wrong. But it's not. I promise you it's not. Everyone has different reasons for recovery - more individual ones, like specific hobbies and interests that they want to return to - but here is my fairly generic list. To have healthy, thick hair More energy To truly enjoy food, rather than fearing it To be able to have children some day To be able to travel without fears for your blood pressure To be able to run a charity race without fears for your heart health To be able to concentrate and perform better at work/school So that you can give good cuddles again So that you can make your family and friends proud So that you can be there for your friends, and celebrate birthdays with them rather than cancelling because the food horrifies you So that one day, someone can make you breakfast in bed, and you'll be able to a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Introduction

Hi, I'm A! I'm currently in recovery from anorexia, and will be using this blog for my thoughts and to document anything that helps me along the way. I'm hoping that it will keep me accountable, and that one day I'll be able to look back and see how far I've come. I'm not really sure 100% what direction this blog will take - recovery isn't the same for anyone - but if you stick around, hopefully there will be some good and happy times to come :)
Post a Comment
Read more