Stronger.

Hey guys, I have had other friends with EDs, and I know that a really prevalent fear that comes with recovering is the fear of losing your identity. EDs are all-consuming, so much so that you rarely think of anything else. All your hobbies relate to food and/or exercise - you have a passion for the gym, food shopping, are suddenly interested in nutrition, making and gathering recipes, or cooking. So when you think of leaving your ED behind... what are you left with? This is the scary bit. But it's also great. It's an opportunity to totally reinvent yourself, and be the person that you want to be. For some people, it's exciting to go back to who they were and revisit old hobbies, but for others, like myself, they're terrified of being the person that they used to be. But the thing is, when you strip away your ED, you're left with a blank canvas, and you can fill it with whatever you want. This is the time to create a life, and live your dreams (even if you don...

Hi guys, Before I started weight restoration, all I could think of were negatives. I thought I would look ugly in my clothes, that I would be fat, and that I would hate myself. But truly, this has not been the case. Many of the things that I thought would be awful were actually quite nice. That's not to say, of course, that there haven't been bad days. There are days when I miss being underweight, and they're quite frequent, but I don't feel the need to act on these thoughts: it is necessary for me to be the weight I am, and this body enables me to live the active and long life I wish to. I still think I look good, even if I look different. But I'm getting off topic. Here are some of the best things about weight restoration, from my personal experience: Buying new clothes and investing in my appearance - I used to have cheap clothes because my weight changed so much, but now I'm really getting quality things that I like Reinventing myself as a perso...

Hi guys, I know I often talk about clothing having a positive impact in making my weight gain more bearable, and I really do feel like my attire has helped me a lot, so I thought that maybe I'd offer some advice to anyone reading who perhaps doesn't feel so confident in the clothes they are wearing at the moment. I also think it's really beneficial to get rid of - or at least box up - clothes that are too small or that you won't feel comfortable in, and you can instead invest in some really lovely new clothes to celebrate when you're weight restored 😊 So... onto the list: Long, baggy tops - I actually got mine from the men's section as they were wider and longer, which was a huge relief for me as it is usually my hips and thighs that I am conscious of Jeans - Mom jeans, boyfriend jeans, girlfriend jeans (anything that isn't skinny fit, really - unless of course you are feeling confident about your legs and are sure that they will fit you througho...

Hey, I'm pretty sure it's evident from my blog so far that I'm a fan of lists. They help me organise my thinking. I know that relapse is really prevalent among ED sufferers, and I really, really don't want that to be the case for me. Whilst I'm recovering, I thought I'd draw up the physical consequences of my ED before I forget, hopefully stopping me from wanting to pursue an underweight body ever again. I'm mostly listing physical consequences here because they can't be denied. I think it's easier for me to shrug off mental symptoms or justify them, though of course they are not healthy either. This is just what helps me keep a clear perspective on how terrible my ED was for my body. Very low heart rate Low BP Seeing black spots when running Tiredness walking up the stairs Insomnia Amenhorrea Hair falling out Feeling cold all the time Tooth damage Chest pain [showing my heart muscle was weakening] Difficulty digesting food Stom...

Hey team, I'm not feeling so great today. Every day since I've hit the healthy weight mark, I've gone over my maintenance. I've not got my period back, so I know I probably do need to gain a few more pounds, but there's still a part of me that wants to be minimally healthy, I guess. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. It's the calorie counting that's getting me down rather than my actual weight, I think. I hate this habit and yet I just can't  haven't been able to stop. Tomorrow is a new day, however, so I'm planning to make a list today to help me move on and not count tomorrow. I'm gonna make it colourful because I could really use a bit of positivity right now. If I go over my maintenance by even a small bit, it results in a binge when I count calories (such as now, and I don't want to feel this disgusted at myself again) Calorie requirements aren't the same every day, so I can't even gage my maintenence  ...

Hi guys, For motivation, I thought I'd make a list of everything I'm fighting for. Eating the amount I actually fancy rather than a serving size Eating cake on my birthday rather than some low calorie mush that I've made Spending days out at the beach rather than the supermarket Reading fashion/travel blogs and watching those videos rather than ones about health or food Indulging in chick flicks and chocolate on my period rather than wondering if I'll be infertile for life Enjoying all my favourite sports again Being able to share a bag of crisps with my friends rather than worrying about whether I'll be able to log the actual amount that I had Being able to focus on my school work and knowing I've done the best that I could Having the ability to lie in in the morning Getting drunk with my friends without worrying about the calories Going clothes shopping and judging the outfit rather than myself Letting go of perfectionism Rekindling old frie...

Hi, A few times when I was in the process of gaining weight, I exceeded the amount on my meal plan. I felt awful . I felt like I was gaining too much too quickly, and sometimes I thought that I'd swapped anorexia for binge-eating disorder. Sometimes I ate because I was hungry, sometimes it was just because I didn't want to resist the food. Both of these reasons are okay. You have to bear in mind that, in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder, the calories that you consume aren't going to fat immediately. Every calorie you consume is restoring you; it's making your hair thicker, it's making you warmer, it's repairing your heart, it's restoring your brain cells, it's aiding your hormones to help you sleep; it's undoing damage to your muscles and so much more. The damage from an eating disorder takes a huge toll on your body, whether you are aware of it or not, and I can assure you that not all of that extra weight is fat, nor are any of ...