Skip to main content

Hating Yourself


Hey guys,

I was having one of those reflective, contemplative type days today. It still amazes me to see how far I've come, and how much things have changed. I used to hate myself. I used to cry myself to sleep every single night, because I could think of nothing worse than waking up and still being me the next day.

That seems a million miles away.

But this got me thinking... did I ever really hate myself, or did I just hate my habits and thought processes? I was expecting to hate myself when I gained weight, because I thought that it was being skinny that kept me away from that awful place of self-hatred, but I found that as I gained weight, I simply didn't feel much different about myself. I had changed too much from that time in my life.

I don't know if this will make a lot of sense to anyone. I would just like you to consider that maybe, deep down, you don't hate yourself as an entire whole (there are so many parts of yourself), but actually just want to make a few changes. Maybe you hate yourself because you think you're lazy, but maybe setting one small goal a day would help you think otherwise.

I'm a strong believer that perception is everything, though I know that if I read this post a while back I would be in denial of this. I would be adamant that I hated all of myself, and that the rest of the world did too.

I'm not expecting that anyone reading this will immediately change their mindset - I know it took me years, but I really hope you'll just hang in there, and know that one day you will be free. You will not hate yourself forever. For the time being, I advise taking it easy on yourself - drink your favourite tea, have a bubble bath instead of a shower, and surround yourself with positivity. You've got this - I promise.

- A




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Food Challenges

Hi guys, I'm quite lucky to say I've never had any strong 'fear foods' in the sense that these foods cause genuine anxiety and panic, however there are certain foods that I go out of my way to avoid or generally feel uncomfortable at the thought of eating. So... this is my list! ('Semi-fear') foods I would like to eat: Stroganoff Pasta Stir fry Shepard's pie Pancakes Tacos Enchiladas Quiche Crumble Ice cream Afternoon tea Fruit juice Risotto Crisp sandwiches Sausage sandwiches Afternoon tea A pasty American pancake stacks Croissants Sweet waffles Cinnamon rolls Ice lollies Foods I would like to cook/bake (again, on some occasions - I always loved baking!): Praline Scones Cider Beer Kombucha Lattes Polish-style stuffed cabbage Bread and butter pudding Coconut yoghurt Pumpkin pie Pecan pie I feel like I should also point out that I'm a vegan, so any recipes for these things on here will be veggie-friendly :)
Post a Comment
Read more

How I'm trying to repair my hair

Hey guys, My hair falling out was one of the main reasons that I chose to recover. It was that final sign that things just weren't okay, and never would be unless I changed my ways. I dyed and bleached my hair a lot throughout my ED, so that of course also had a negative impact and my hair ended up being not-so-great. I'm hoping that a few months down the line I'll be able to do a great before-and-after, but for the moment, this is what I'm doing to try and repair the damage. I'm using baby shampoo as it's a lot less harsh on my hair, and also removes less of the hair-dye so that I do not have to dye it as frequently I've switched to a semi-permanent hair dye and will be returning to my natural colour when it fades out When possible, I'm using my fingers or a wide-combed brush to comb through my hair (especially when it's wet!) so that I don't tear it or create split ends I'm only straightening it when strictly necessary, and al
Post a Comment
Read more

60 Reasons to Recover

Hi warriors, Recovery is hard. It's demotivating. You fight for so long to get down to a low weight, that having to gain weight just feels... wrong. But it's not. I promise you it's not. Everyone has different reasons for recovery - more individual ones, like specific hobbies and interests that they want to return to - but here is my fairly generic list. To have healthy, thick hair More energy To truly enjoy food, rather than fearing it To be able to have children some day To be able to travel without fears for your blood pressure To be able to run a charity race without fears for your heart health To be able to concentrate and perform better at work/school So that you can give good cuddles again So that you can make your family and friends proud So that you can be there for your friends, and celebrate birthdays with them rather than cancelling because the food horrifies you So that one day, someone can make you breakfast in bed, and you'll be able to a
Post a Comment
Read more